Indian Premier Lame

Yes dang it, I know. Tis the big show, the holy TV pilgrimage for most Indians these days. The most cash-rich sports league in the nation. A breath of fresh air in the cricketing world. A way to build bench strength in Indian cricket more effective than any before it. A marketer's dream come true (even with the move to rain-plagued South Africa). A celebrity making device for Lalit Modi and an ego-stroking device for Shah Rukh Khan. Another way for Indians to waste their time listening to Shilpa Shetty wax eloquent about things she doesn't know. And an opportunity for that host guy who sits with Arun Lal in what the wife tells me are the most atrociously put together clothing ensembles beyond what's in my closet.

But, with apologies, it is an exercise in Lame. Fail. Cannot haz cheezburgr.

First of all: Bangalore Royal Challengers, Kolkata Knight Riders, Chennai Super Kings? Are you kidding me? A nation of over one billion and we can't come up with names not inspired by booze, a dumb but fun David Hasselhoff show that was badly remade last year, or whatever it is Super Kings is based on (cigarettes maybe)?

Secondly: there is a singular lack of differentiation between the teams. Watching , I just can't pick favorites. One problem is, there's nothing particularly Mumbai about the Mumbai Indians. You could call them the Bhatinda Brawlers, make Bhajji captain, and be the same team (of course, you'd need an international venue in Bhatinda)! Why aren't the teams regionalized? Well, I understand why, and they are good reasons, but at least do *some* zoning to make sure the teams can capitalize on the regional identities they have embedded on their names, and pick players from, you know, the city they claim to be from? If they were truly regional, we'd get some nice fanbases delineated... at this point, I just can't cheer for a favorite because I'm having a tough time telling them apart. (the garish uniforms do help in this regard and have ensured that I will never cheer for Mohali with their hint of pink, or the wife for the garish red Mallya team, whatever it's called).

Which brings me to how there just isn't enough of a team image/ reputation yet, and the owners/ players are just too damn polite (of course with Shah Rukh Khan, its hard to get the maniac to comment on anything or anyone other than himself, so...). Some marketing guy needs to tell them to sling mud at each other, get some rivalries going, and make this interesting. They can't do that right now because its like the Buddy League where losing captains go pat the back of the winning one over a beer at the end of the day. Where's the venom? I thought the whole reason why cricket got boring and T20 had to be invented was that it was, you know, sedate. Lose a little more of 'gentlemanliness'... the Aussies will teach you!

Third: They really need to move back to India. Or don't call it what it is called now. That move made me angry, and just added more dollops of lame to the lame sundae.

And finally, either get the cheerleaders less clothes, teach them to dance, or get them a damn half-time show so they do more than just randomly flail around on the sidelines.

Anyway, I feel slightly sullied by the fact that I've actually blogged about sports now - me, with my history of playing no Cricket other than EA Sports' excellent Cricket '97 on the PC, or golf on Wii Sports. So I'm off to take a bath. Out.